Post by Kefka Palazzo on Aug 27, 2009 4:52:16 GMT -5
Right, bit of a low-quality crackfic in the making. Gonna be like Dissidia, but with a bit of a.....twist, I guess. You'll find out soon enough.
Anyway, I'm kicking this off with ten prologues, during which the hosts (Mog and Umaro) will conduct interviews on the participants. Let the good times roll!
Note: This author appreciates comments. Helps me adjust to your tastes. =D
Narrator: Since the dawn of time, the divine entities Chaos and Cosmos have been at war. Both sides push for their respective alignments of darkness and light. To aid in their battle, they summoned forth a myriad of warrior from other worlds. Strong and honorable, these soldiers would lay down their lives to further the will of fate. Or that was the plan. Instead you get to watch these schmucks for a couple of months.
Tidus: Y’know, you could’ve been more tactful about that.
Narrator: So cry me a river blondie. I’m getting paid $6.50 for this shit.
Tidus: ….
Mog: Ok, so this is the first of ten pre-game interviews! It seems that today I will be speaking to Garland and…..I don’t think I caught your name
WoL: Warrior of Light will do.
Mog: ….you sure?
WoL: It’s either that or the four letter name my player gave me.
Garland: Which is “Poop”, by the way. The kid was nine years old. Thought it was hilarious.
WoL: Great, now everybody knows!
Garland: As soon as these prologues are over we’re gonna be killing each other. You really expect me to pull punches here?
WoL: Hey, I may not have had a proper name, but at least I had a face! I’m an icon for that game. You’re just some loser the designers disguised as a boss to make the party feel good about themselves. Which we did.
Garland: Why you-
Mog: Gentlemen! Can we stay focused please? I have a few questions for the both of you.
WoL: Shoot.
Garland: Fire away.
Mog: First, Warrior. How do you feel knowing you will be locked into straight competition with individuals you hardly know for what could be months?
WoL: Well first off, that doesn’t sound too different from my game. Second, if the other team is filled with fuckups like Vader here it shouldn’t be too hard.
Garland: Hey, screw you! I gave you a run for your money as Chaos!
WoL: Power to you. In the meantime you were off jacking princesses for laughs. I’d compare you to Bowser but at least he had the decency to own his own castle.
Garland: You have a problem with the Temple of Fiends?
WoL: Oh, it was a nice place. Too bad it wasn’t yours. The place was freaking ancient so you were clearly just squatting. You’re a goddamn hobo with armor!
Garland: I was a royal knight!
WoL: Serving the king who lacked the foresight to build a bridge on the only route out of town?
Garland: Serving the king dumb enough to grant a knight in demonic armor access to his daughter!
WoL: …..touché.
Mog: Are you done?
WoL: For now.
Mog: Great! Now Garland, it has come to my attention that you are one of only two legitimate warriors on your team. Any comment on this?
Garland: I can only feel that this will be a boon to me. From what I understand a frontline fighter with an army of casters in the back can be a formidable force.
WoL: Provided the fighter doesn’t lose two minutes into the game.
Garland: I’m gonna do something if you don’t cut that shit out!
WoL: Like what? Knock me down?
Garland: You……are you serious? You’re still fixed on that?
WoL: Why wouldn’t I be? It might actually be your lowest point in villainy.
Garland: It was a line written in the late 80s. Square thought they were going bunk. And at least I got lines. Four legendary heroes save the world. What words of theirs will go down in history? None! Because they were fucking mute!
Mog: O-One last question, please! Um….Warrior, it turns out there is another nameless individual on your team!
WoL: Oh?
Mog: Apparently he goes by Onion Knight, though he might be the youngest member of your team. What do you think of this?
WoL: Well, age should not be a factor so long as the heart is pure and the spirit is willing.
Mog: I see.
WoL: That and I’m sure a three-year-old haemophiliac could at least manage a tie with Garland here.
Garland: Oh that’s it! I’m tired of your crap!
WoL: Bring it on!
Mog: -sigh- So I guess I have nine more of these to do…..
Umaro: -pats-
Mog: You sure you’re not just playing mute so you don’t have to do these instead?
Umaro: ….
Anyway, I'm kicking this off with ten prologues, during which the hosts (Mog and Umaro) will conduct interviews on the participants. Let the good times roll!
Note: This author appreciates comments. Helps me adjust to your tastes. =D
Narrator: Since the dawn of time, the divine entities Chaos and Cosmos have been at war. Both sides push for their respective alignments of darkness and light. To aid in their battle, they summoned forth a myriad of warrior from other worlds. Strong and honorable, these soldiers would lay down their lives to further the will of fate. Or that was the plan. Instead you get to watch these schmucks for a couple of months.
Tidus: Y’know, you could’ve been more tactful about that.
Narrator: So cry me a river blondie. I’m getting paid $6.50 for this shit.
Tidus: ….
Prologue 1
Mog: Ok, so this is the first of ten pre-game interviews! It seems that today I will be speaking to Garland and…..I don’t think I caught your name
WoL: Warrior of Light will do.
Mog: ….you sure?
WoL: It’s either that or the four letter name my player gave me.
Garland: Which is “Poop”, by the way. The kid was nine years old. Thought it was hilarious.
WoL: Great, now everybody knows!
Garland: As soon as these prologues are over we’re gonna be killing each other. You really expect me to pull punches here?
WoL: Hey, I may not have had a proper name, but at least I had a face! I’m an icon for that game. You’re just some loser the designers disguised as a boss to make the party feel good about themselves. Which we did.
Garland: Why you-
Mog: Gentlemen! Can we stay focused please? I have a few questions for the both of you.
WoL: Shoot.
Garland: Fire away.
Mog: First, Warrior. How do you feel knowing you will be locked into straight competition with individuals you hardly know for what could be months?
WoL: Well first off, that doesn’t sound too different from my game. Second, if the other team is filled with fuckups like Vader here it shouldn’t be too hard.
Garland: Hey, screw you! I gave you a run for your money as Chaos!
WoL: Power to you. In the meantime you were off jacking princesses for laughs. I’d compare you to Bowser but at least he had the decency to own his own castle.
Garland: You have a problem with the Temple of Fiends?
WoL: Oh, it was a nice place. Too bad it wasn’t yours. The place was freaking ancient so you were clearly just squatting. You’re a goddamn hobo with armor!
Garland: I was a royal knight!
WoL: Serving the king who lacked the foresight to build a bridge on the only route out of town?
Garland: Serving the king dumb enough to grant a knight in demonic armor access to his daughter!
WoL: …..touché.
Mog: Are you done?
WoL: For now.
Mog: Great! Now Garland, it has come to my attention that you are one of only two legitimate warriors on your team. Any comment on this?
Garland: I can only feel that this will be a boon to me. From what I understand a frontline fighter with an army of casters in the back can be a formidable force.
WoL: Provided the fighter doesn’t lose two minutes into the game.
Garland: I’m gonna do something if you don’t cut that shit out!
WoL: Like what? Knock me down?
Garland: You……are you serious? You’re still fixed on that?
WoL: Why wouldn’t I be? It might actually be your lowest point in villainy.
Garland: It was a line written in the late 80s. Square thought they were going bunk. And at least I got lines. Four legendary heroes save the world. What words of theirs will go down in history? None! Because they were fucking mute!
Mog: O-One last question, please! Um….Warrior, it turns out there is another nameless individual on your team!
WoL: Oh?
Mog: Apparently he goes by Onion Knight, though he might be the youngest member of your team. What do you think of this?
WoL: Well, age should not be a factor so long as the heart is pure and the spirit is willing.
Mog: I see.
WoL: That and I’m sure a three-year-old haemophiliac could at least manage a tie with Garland here.
Garland: Oh that’s it! I’m tired of your crap!
WoL: Bring it on!
Mog: -sigh- So I guess I have nine more of these to do…..
Umaro: -pats-
Mog: You sure you’re not just playing mute so you don’t have to do these instead?
Umaro: ….
