Can't Start Anew (Open)

[Kairi]

There were new children on the play island.

That was probably the first sign, to Kairi, that she was growing up. The first sign should have been when the islands were attacked. When she felt Axel's hand close around her arm. When she gathered her fate into her own hands and somehow came out of a desperate situation alive. But none of that really drove it home as much as seeing newer, younger children playing on the paopu island or wandering the walkways. She saw herself in a little girl scanning the beach for thalassa shells, Sora in a boy climbing one of the ladders, Riku in the twins fighting with toy swords.

It was their island, but there was no law at Destiny Islands that prevented others from playing there. Besides, Tidus and Wakka never seemed to have time anymore and Kairi had mostly lost touch with Selphie.

Not to mention she hadn't seen Sora or Riku in what felt like weeks.

She probably had, for a day or so, before something in the worlds swept them up into motion again. But she was always there for them when they came back, greeting them with a smile, listening with rapt attention whenever they shared stories, and feeling her heart fracture a little on the inside because this wasn't something she could be part of. Leaving the islands had been a fluke, for her, in the first place. It was too dangerous. They didn't want to lose her. She'd get in the way. She'd heard all the reasons and they all made sense, and yet...being left behind all the time still hurt.

The Princess of Heart was unknown to the island for good reason, so she fit in at school only as much as her new friends would let her, and got a bad reputation for blowing off outings whenever she heard Riku or Sora would be getting home. She tried to listen to what her new friends said, like it mattered, but somehow everything seemed so small and insignificant after the titanic battles out in the stars. How could she get angry at someone for snarking at her over lunch while Sora might be fighting for his life? Why did she care if the new boy completely forgot his part of a group project when Riku might be lost and hurt somewhere?

Instead, Kairi spent her afternoons on the play island as she was now, eyes locked on the sea like she was expecting someone to approach or watching them go; unable to break the habit of waiting.

[Xiruk]

Xiruk stepped out of the corridor of darkness with a smile. Sora said he'd meet him here after their encounter in Twilight Town. He slipped out of his boots and pulled his hood down, exposing his face that too closely resembled Riku, except for those violet eyes. The sand was warm against his feet, just as he remembered.He glanced about the beach with his deep violet eyes and noticed a red waterfall of hair, almost maroon. Could it be? He rushed towards it, silver cloak almost sparkling in the bright sunlight.

[purple]Kairi? Is that really you...!?[/purple]

[Kairi]

Someone called her name and she turned automatically, bringing a hand up to keep her hair from blowing in her face, and stopped short at the sight of someone who looked like a stranger at first. Riku, her mind supplied after a moment, and she smiled as he approached. Where had he gotten that sparkling cloak, though? She couldn't remember him wearing it back at The World That Never Was. "Riku! What're you wearing?" she asked with a giggle. "It clashes with your hair, you know. Is that for a mission or som...?"

She stopped dead as he got closer.

Those eyes were not Riku's eyes.

It was Riku's face, except different in subtle ways that only Kairi and probably Sora would have picked up on; little ways in which he moved the muscles there, stiffer, not quite as naturally.

Similar to the way Axel's face had moved.

Nobody.

Kairi was on guard in an instant, taking a halting step back and pulling her arm up close as though to shield herself with it. "Who are you?" she asked, trying to sound strong, but it didn't sound like a demand so much as a plea. If this was Riku's Nobody, there was a chance he wasn't out to harm her--but Riku had crumpled to the darkness once and his Nobody would probably follow in his footsteps. That and even though Roxas had seemed like a nice kid when she talked to him that brief time, she knew from Sora and Riku both that he'd been a member of the Organization once and it was the same Organization that had held her captive. She had to be careful of anyone who wasn't Sora or Riku just on principle, and even if he seemed nice he might always be tricking her with false emotions.

[Xiruk]

Xiruk laughed as he ran up to her, it stung when she called him Riku, but that was okay. He stopped a few feet away.

[purple]Really? You think it clashes? I think it looks good on me.[/purple]

Then he saw it. The look in her eyes that saw him as a threat. He sighed. So she saw he wasn't Riku. Well that made explaining a bit easier. He took a deep breath.

[purple]My name is Xiruk. I am a Nobody. My true name is Riku. And my memories tell you that me and you are best friends.[/purple]

He said the last part with a smile.

[purple]I'd like to be friends again. Just the three of us. Me, you, and Sora.[/purple]

He held his hand out to her, and for some reason got a feeling of deja vu. As if he had held out his hand in the same way many times before. He wished Sora was here. Sora trusted him. At least he thought Sora trusted him.

[Kairi]

[purple]I'd like to be friends again. Just the three of us. Me, you, and Sora.[/purple]

This wasn't right. It didn't feel right at all, and Kairi felt her insides twist with indecision as she took another step back and felt the sand crumbling under her foot as the water surrounded it. This had to be a trick, because even if Xiruk was being truthful he didn't sound benign. Just the three of us. Sora, Xiruk, and Kairi?

No.

"Xiruk..." she said, more to test it out than anything else. It tasted wrong. "...Riku may be your true name. He may be your true self, but you aren't him. And you can't just...you can't just show up here and act like I'm supposed to accept that you are!" She was being blunt, but the thought that someone could come into her life and try to replace one of her closest friends hurt her deeply. In fact, it brought up a long lost, faint memory of rejection--as though someone had tried to replace her once, but she couldn't remember who or why. "You're...a Nobody," she reminded him hesitantly, feeling like she didn't have the right to say the words. "Even if you're Riku's Nobody I can't trust you yet. You have to realize that, after everything that's happened. And if we...if we do become friends, then it won't be 'just the three of us.' There will always be Riku, and he and Sora and I have been friends since childhood." Fire blazed in her eyes for an instant. "So don't you dare try to replace him."

She hesitated, dropping her gaze and bringing a hand up to clasp her necklace nervously. It wasn't fair to him, really--life wasn't. And it wasn't his fault he was what he was, but that still didn't give him the right to claim what was Riku's. "I'm sorry," she said, more about his condition than anything she'd said. He didn't have emotions anyway so she doubted he could be hurt, but acting like Nobodies could feel was a habit she couldn't break. "But that's the way it is."

[Xiruk]

It would have hurt Xiruk less if Kairi had physically cut him with a knife. She just dangled in front of him that she wasn't even his friend, but this Riku's. Xiruk hated Riku. Ruining his life yet never making an appearance. Tears slowly began to appear in his eyes.

[purple]DONT YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!? ....I'm not Riku, and I can never be him. But....those memories we shared. Wasn't that real? And even if I wasn't there...I still felt like I was.[/purple]

He lashed out at first, but quickly calmed down. She had hurt him, and she doubted his feelings. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes, not quite staining his cheeks yet. Then he remembered Sora.

[purple]Sora. Sora will tell you. Sora knows.[/purple]

He spoke in a clear and emotionless voice. Contradicting his crying face.

[Kairi]

[purple]"DONT YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!? ....I'm not Riku, and I can never be him. But....those memories we shared. Wasn't that real? And even if I wasn't there...I still felt like I was."[/purple]

That's just it...you weren't there, you aren't him, those memories aren't yours...

Kairi bit her lip, feeling her heart break for him when he cried even though she knew it was probably faked. Sora had told her about this, about how Demyx had pretended to be scared but then toughened up, turned cold and called him a traitor. About how Saïx and Yen Sid both had explained that it was all a facade. It seemed very real to her, but she couldn't be sure...

[purple]"Sora. Sora will tell you. Sora knows."[/purple]

Her heart leapt a little at the mention of Sora, as it always did. Had Xiruk met him? Because if he hadn't, this wouldn't play out any differently...if he was just relying on Riku's memories, memories that he had no right to, then there was no telling what Sora would do. But if they'd already met, then why was Xiruk here now, telling her he wanted to be everything that Riku was? Why was he trying to tell her that they shared memories together, when she'd never met him? It didn't seem like Sora would approve of someone trying to replace his best friend...

But...

A coldness settled over her heart as she tried to remember again. Who was it...that replaced her, in the past? She hadn't been aware of it at the time, but...somehow she remembered something about it now, long after the fact.

Did Sora go along with that?

That thought hurt, unspeakably, and she shoved it to the back of her mind.

"Then..." The orb of her necklace felt cold against her hand. "I guess...we're both stuck waiting." She hesitated. There was no way she could accept him into her heart in Riku's stead. But...if this wasn't a trap, couldn't they start anew? "...Those memories...are with Riku, Xiruk. And you just said you aren't him, so..." She looked at him carefully, up through her bangs. "...Are you willing to let those go?" She twirled the necklace nervously in her hand, scared to death that this was a trap but taking the gamble that it wasn't. "I'd like to be friends...but we couldn't be the same as what I have with Riku and Sora. We'd have to start over...because you're different. You're your own person, and...I'd like to get to know that person. Someone who's not Riku."

[Xiruk]

Xiruk smiled through his tears. So she would accept him. He reached out, hoping to hug her.

[purple]Thank you. But I can't forget those memories. They are what makes me whole. Please. Let me stay with you....I wanna feel this joy myself, and hell to those who say Nobody's can't feel. I can, so why shouldn't the rest of them?[/purple]

His joy was unbridled on her, he wanted to be with the two people who meant the most to him, and this Riku could just stay out of the way for all he cared. But if Riku returned....would they abandon him to be with him? He had to know.

[purple]You know...I'm not leaving if Riku shows up. He can't force me to go.[/purple]

[Kairi]

Kairi was so confused. He kept saying he wanted her to accept him for him, and yet he wouldn't relinquish the part of him that was Riku. How could she accept both? If she sat with him on the paopu tree and reminisced about memories that he'd never been a part of, talked about making the raft or sparring with Sora, that would be betraying the Riku who already existed.

I thought you wanted to be yourself...

[purple]"You know...I'm not leaving if Riku shows up. He can't force me to go."[/purple]

"I don't think he'll do that," Kairi said only half-truthfully. If Riku saw Xiruk as a threat, he probably would. But Sora would do the same, and if he'd met Sora already things were probably fine. As far as she knew, Kairi was the only one truly in the dark about this, and couldn't decide--but Xiruk was still very much a stranger to her and when he reached out she shrank back, bringing both hands up to her clavicle in hesitation. "...It's. Nice to meet you, Xiruk." She held out a hand, trying to act natural. This was so awkward. She wished Sora were there--he could reassure her or deal with this, whatever needed to be done. Not to mention it was strange. Riku had never been a very emotional or touchy-feely person, and now someone with his face but without his demeanor at all had come forth and cried in front of her and tried to hug her. It was like one of those creepy dopplegangers from a horror movie.

She had to accept him and she would, but not as her best friend. Not as Riku. She only knew this person as Xiruk, the boy she had just now met.

[Xiruk]

Xiruk noticed what she was doing and pulled back. So this was Kairi as she was today. She was very different from the cheery Kairi of his memories. He wilted a little, but held his hand out for her to shake hands.

[purple]It's....nice to meet you too...Kairi...[/purple]

It felt wrong, very wrong. Kairi and he were best friends, he knew that. But all she could think about was this "Riku". On the inside he was so very hurt, but all he showed on the outside was a grinning face. He wished Sora was here. Sora had so easily accepted him, and he had hoped Kairi would as well....she didn't. He wished she knew what she meant to him. If it hadn't been for his memories of her and Sora, he would have let himself fade away between the Corridors of Darkness. Those memories kept him searching for a way out, and after over a year he made his way to the light, all on the slim chance that he could share more moments with the two. And here she had almost completely shut that possibility out.